Changes!

Change. It’s inevitable. We all go through some type of change at one point or another. This may be school, new home, job, new partner or just a simple change of season (ironically most of my changes are coming up with the autumn season, which just happens to be my favorite!)

Many changes are coming in my life! Part of me is super excited and another part of me is terrified. Changes can be both good and bad. It’s how you deal with the changes that counts. There are a few changes in my life that currently, I’m not sure how I am going to deal with them. Most of them are good changes, but they are big changes. I’m having to let go of some things and people. Some of the people I’m letting go, I’m letting go in a sense that I have to let them grow up and figure things out on their own. Even though I don’t have children of my own yet, I’ve always played a very active role in my younger siblings lives. As the older of my siblings is reaching adulthood this month, I’m just not even sure how to deal with it! I’m very proud of her and yet I’m scared because she is starting off on a new adventure and the next stage in her life. While I just want to control everything she does and keep her as safe as I can…I know that isn’t the best thing I can do for her. I have made myself available for her to contact me in about 5 different ways, so she knows she can always talk to me! Other than that, I just have to give her advice If/When she asks for it…and be there for her if she falls. I know what a wonderful person she is, so I suppose the best thing I can do for her is to truly believe in her and let her know that I do!

As all these changes are happening to me (I’m not going to mention all of them,) and I am also close to entering a new transition in my own life. I find it a bit of a challenge to figure out where I want to go from here. While TRYING not to compare myself to my previous school mates, I do notice that a lot of them are finishing up college, starting jobs, and even starting families. I am not where I thought I would be at this point, and I’ve come to accept it. I’m quite fine with it for the most part. While I did attend school, I’ve had to put everything on hold for a while due to some chronic health issues that have been getting worse. I’m seeing new doctors, trying new things, and right now I have some pretty good hope for the new techniques I’m learning to help manage it. Still, I have to wonder to myself, what can I do right now? What can I contribute to my family and my boyfriend? I can barely take care of myself most days. I suppose I was being too hard on myself and not looking at things from the right perspective. Instead of what can I do…I’m going to start asking myself, What do I WANT to do? While I currently don’t know the answer to this question, I do have some ways I’m going to try to figure it out.

One of the biggest things that happened to me when I started this blog was my “Awakening”. Through my writing, I discovered who I am and what I believe in. It really did help. We are always changing though! Even in small ways, and when we are stuck, our soul yearns for some new development! So I’m excited and hopeful that through writing again, I’m going to rediscover myself and hopefully figure out what I want to do.

What are some of your goals right now? How do you overcome your own changes? Please let me know your thoughts.

Thank you for taking the time to read this!

Love Always,

Aurora

The Chance I Took

Dinner lit by candle light

I think We finally got this right

Holding tight to what I know

Always afraid of letting go

Meeting you I took a chance

Your look on life “I hope you dance.”

Opening my eyes I find new things to see

Maybe this isn’t about only me

A greater purpose I do not yet know

But maybe together we’ll discover and show

Describing Feelings?

Words. Feelings. Logic. I notice that a lot of people now a days are tending to say things like “don’t rely on your feelings,” and while there is an amount of logic that is necessary to maintain balance, feelings and emotions are a huge part of life too and they should not be ignored. A while back I was struggling because I had so much to say but I just couldn’t find the words to say it. Encouragement came that I would find the words and eventually I found some that were pretty suitable…but they were just that. It occurred to me recently….that so much focus is spent on describing things. Describing feelings and other things. Honestly there are some things that were never meant to be put into words. For example some of the best things are seen and not heard; sunsets, flowers, that look in the grooms eye as he sees his bride walking down the aisle. Some things are heard; the ocean, music, an “I love you,” from mother to child. And some things…some things are felt; a kiss on the lips, a comforting hug, and love. Love simply is. It is not something to be bound and defined by words. Today’s new generation of people are binding things by words. If they can’t describe it, it is ignored. There is a fear of things one cannot put into words. Feelings people don’t know how to deal with because they can’t describe it in words. I see more and more people running from their feelings. It’s ok to not be able to describe how you feel. I think if they are no words for how you are feeling…then you are having very powerful emotions. You should take that and use it. Make yourself stronger, take an extra step. Instead of being afraid…learn to embrace what you are feeling and use it to benefit yourself.

Start Of A New Day

Wake up

Get dressed

Fall into the same routine

Days come and pass

Everyday is the same

Everything is the same until

Until one day you wake up

Things aren’t the same

Something feels different

Did you buckle under all the pressure?

Or is this something more?

A weightlessness you’ve never felt before

Rescued from yourself

From your thoughts

You’ve been given a chance

A chance to start over

To be who and what you want to be

The start of a new day

It Starts With A Smile

A smile on your face can lead to new doors

A new way of thinking can get you much more

Open your heart and you will see

Many sights you never thought could be

Find the time to share some love

Share wishes and hopes and things from above

Remember these things when you are quite site

Because doing and feeling can make you quite glad.

Lost Not Yet Found

Lost, not yet found

But somehow you seem to stick around.

Something to hold onto
Something that’s real

Something to remind me how to feel.

I look one way but turn another

 Times like these I really miss my mother.

I feel like I’m going nowhere fast.

How long will this desert last?

Looking in the mirror I don’t recognize the face

Something different has taken it’s place.

What to call it I don’t know

But my true self has yet to show.

When will I get the real me back?

I’m tired of being fake, it’s really wack.

What is?

What is a relationship?

re·la·tion·ship 

Noun

1. The way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected.
2. The state of being connected by blood or marriage.

Are two people only in a relationship if they call it by a name, label, or status? Personally I don’t think so. We spend so much time trying to name things…some obvious and are ok like sister, daughter, friend, husband…but then things get a little crazy. People feel the need to describe things…I understand it to an extent. When you are friends with benefits, it’s complicated, in an open relationship, mutual understanding, or other crazy things…just stop. Either you are available or you aren’t. That’s up for you to decide.  I think a lot of time we get so caught up in titles that we forget to enjoy the moment. We forget to enjoy all the little things. Is it really so necessary to share every little detail of your relationship with the rest of the world? Sure you can share very happy moments, or ask some close friends for advice, but there is no need to let everyone know you are fighting or what it’s about, or to share very private moments. Some things are just for you two. If you share them with others…it destroys some of the intimacy. Some things are meant to share between two people to make your bond stronger. I’ve heard them called inside jokes or other things of that nature.

I guess I just want to say to people…to enjoy what you have…and if you’re not happy, fix it or let go. Stop focusing on the nit picky details. Otherwise you’re probably going to miss out on some amazing moments with people you care about! So enjoy what you have while you have it. You never know when it will be gone. So give it all you’ve got…and try to make the best of it. 😀

Through the Darkness

Though I am surrounded by darkness, I know the light will come again

Slowly trudging forward in the dark I must stand

Stronger than I’ve ever been before

Holding my ground so I don’t fall to the floor

On my knees I feel so weak

But on my feet I’m at a peak

Reaching out for something to hold

I am learning on my own to be bold.

 

 

New Reflection: Time to Shine

(Prequel Is:  But You’ll Shine Again)

A young woman walked along the edge of the creek that had become her favorite place to just enjoy nature and get away from the fast paced life for a while. She giggled like a young girl as she dipped a toe in the cool water to test it out. She looked down in the water and smiled at her reflection, clearly remembering the last harsh meeting she had with her own reflection just a few years before. She touched her own cheek softly as she reminisced on the period that she hated her own reflection. How could she ever have had such self loathing? It had taken time, but she had finally realized her own value and worth as a human being and even more as a woman. As if reading her mind there was a flutter in her stomach. The look on her face changed to surprise and then complete awe as she gently caressed her belly that was now sprouting a small bump from the child that she carried. Yes, things were much better now. She had saved herself. Picked up her own pieces and moved forward with her life. The young woman smiled at her belly and looked up as she noticed the sky beginning to form a beautiful and unique painting as the world prepared for night time. She slipped her sandals back on and headed for home. Home. The word that use to sound so foreign. She laughed and smiled knowing she had found her place in the world.

A world view

Do you ever just feel…so lonely…though you’re not physically alone? and like…you try to reach out to people…but they just don’t understand. and you watch as everyone around you chooses someone else…someone just a little bit prettier…a little bit smarter, someone who’s good enough. I feel like…I’m watching the world through a pair of binoculars…and I’m too far away to try to join the rest of the people….